Conflict Resolution Process

TODO give it a friendly name!


  • What are the payoffs from holding on to this story?
  • What is your attachment to this story costing you?

Tools to Avoid Conflict

  • Shifting from blame to understanding and accountability
  • Non-violent communication: Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests
  • Giving and receiving feedback
  • Listening and Looping


1. If You See the Conflict, Name It

"hey you two are maybe in a conflict, let's have a NAME"

Everyone has permission to name it, not a big deal.

Better to deal with conflict as it happens rather than let conflict build up over time.

2. Seek Support

"who else should be in the room?"

Seek somebody outside the conflict, maybe third-party if necessary.

3. Set Datetime and Prioritize

Schedule a 30-60 minute session, no longer than 7 days away max.

4. Listening and Looping

Hold a tightly facilitated process:

  • Prompt: what conflict are you feeling?
  • Person A shares, person B listens (2 mins)
  • Person B loops back, person A listens (1 min)
  • Person A clarifies and provides content/context, person B listens (1 min)
  • Person B loops back again, person A listens (1 min)
  • Thank you and swap

Continues until both parties feel heard.

Keep in mind:

  • Active listening
  • Connecting with own feelings
  • Sharing empathetic understanding of what was heard

Trust that what you say back is the right thing to say. Own the permission to paraphrase. Expect that the other person will tell you honestly whether they felt heard.

5. Problem Solving and Resolution

How can we repair and nurture this relationship?

Do we need to do this process again?

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